New Years Resolutions

For a Computer addict

Or Thank God This Isn't Me!

Hello Everyone!

It's that time of year again. No, not Christmas! If you think it is Christmas You had too much to drink at the Christmas Eve Bash you attended.

No, it isn't tax time either. If you think it is that time you have REALLY had too much to drink.. On second thought, if it WAS Tax time, maybe that would be the best condition to be in!

No, the event I am speaking of is New Year's Resolutions. 

• I will not use computer terminology in conversations of a non computer related nature. I find that the unenlightened do NOT have any idea what I am speaking of when I refer to a book as a hard copy, And speaking of hard disks of floppy drives for some reason gives some people the idea I am talking nasty to them.



• I will cut down on approaching strangers in the computer section at the store and striking up conversations with them, no matter how lost or dazed they look from trying to figure out what they are hunting for. My wife is getting jealous. It seems that most of these conversations are with nice looking women. She also says that Hard Disk may be misconstrued by a shopper as meaning something  else completely.( especially if someone is hard of hearing)  She also informed me that an eavesdropping security person might get the wrong idea if they overheard a conversation involving such words as Provider, Dealer, ISP, and things like that..



• I further resolve to not drop things in my keyboard like cigarette ashes, shavings from my pencil sharpener, Sand from a sand art kit, and other similar items. I will also keep all beverages and liquids away from my keyboard. I find that these items do NOT make it easier to use the keyboard. ..I will also wipe my hands before replying to an incoming message that I receive while I am consuming foods like pork chops, pizza, and other foods of that nature. These foods have a tendency to slick up the keys, causing the fingers to slip off and hit the wrong key.



• I resolve to not download more than 250 megabytes in one download session. At 14.4 (I mean 33.6 that still takes quite a while. At least I don't just sit there during a download watching the bps indicator and the percentage done indicator. .As of 2002 I  have re-evaluated my thinking since I have DSL.. I still resolve not to download more than 250 megabytes. NOW I haven't got room on my hard drive for more goodies.



• I resolve to have no more than three chat or message programs open simultaneously. Doing so can get confusing and a person can end up replying to the wrong person. This can be very embarrassing if you are talking about the person you accidentally replied to..

Replies to such a boo boo can range from :

(polite) "Oh, ok" or "Oh, I see" meaning "Huh? Has this idiot been drinking again" or "

"Did I miss a message or three?"

(average) "What are you talking about?" or "I think you meant the last message for someone else.", meaning "What an Idiot! Sending me a message meant for someone else." or maybe "Sheesh! What a looser!! Looser Looser Looser!!!!!!!!

(Nasty) "Hey Duffus! Pay attention to who you reply to!" or "Byte me Beetle Breath! If

You want to talk at me then do so. I don't want to read about your amazing sojourn to

See the Beavis and Butthead cartoon!" Which means 'This idiot needs a swift kick in the

Posterior to wake him up!" ( Speaking of waking up I resolve to not stay on line so long I

go to sleep typing)

I have to comment here that sometimes people will NOT let you know if you replied to the wrong message, especially if the message is that you are sending them a cool picture.

Back in the AOL days I did this,. Told this pest that I was going to send him a cool pic I found. He was severely disappointed. I sent him a jpg of an ice cube..

• I resolve to spend less time on the computer and on the net. I mean, Hey, 22 hours a day is enough for anyone! <G>



• I will remember the names of my children! You would think that after 18 years I could at least remember the name of the oldest one! I was once asked by one of the kids if his name was Mexican. I asked why and he said that Hey You sounded Mexican to him!!



• I will not gripe so much about a slow transfer rate because the net is bogged down. I mean, it COULD be 300 Baud!



• When going to the grocery store I will not think "Hmm, if we don't buy this stuff I can afford a new game for the computer.. Well, we all need to loose weight any ways!" Or when paying bills, "Hmmmm Gotta pay the electric or the computer wont work.. Gotta pay the phone or I can't get on the net.. I don't really need to buy a tag do I??" or :These boots are only 5 years old and they only have 2 little holes in the sole. I can get me a new drive if I put buying them off another month!"



• I resolve to watch my speed while coming back from town. For some reasons police officers do not buy the excuse " I forgot to disconnect from the Internet" or " Officer. I am sorry I was speeding, but I have to get back on line, I have a date with a hot babe that wants to cyber with me in five minutes!!!!

DISCLAIMER: This isn't me. Really!!!!!!!

Copyright 1997- 2002 JJ Judkins & Creek Designs

This article may be distributed free in it's ELECTRONIC form only, and only as long as it is not included in a pay service of any type. If you wish to distribute this in hard copy as part of a collection contact me at JJ@creekdesigns.com