Gas is too high!  What can I do?

     Take it like a man (or woman) and pay the outrageously high inflated price for a gallon of gas. Do so knowing that ultimately (if it was oil from the mid east) that you are probably helping to buy some want to be Saddam Insane a gold plated toothbrush or AK-47 or, if not that,  you are paying  a day's wages  for one of the flunkies that are keeping the country (partway) together that is too stupid to ..  well let's just pretend they are buying ice cubes and ice cream with the cash they  make off our gas.

   Quit eating beans?  Maybe you should eat more beans and convert your cars to methane power.  That would  help solve  your food bill ( beans are cheap)  and if you have a large family, would reduce your fuel consumption drastically. (note: I would suggest pinto beans, they seem to give the best bang for the buck,  For other items that will help induce the release of methane, check the internet.)

    Kick, scream and throw a fit every time you are forced to buy gasoline.  Although this probably won't result in the proprietor lowering the price per gallon to a reasonable rate, you may just embarrass him into giving you a freebie just to get you the hell away from him. (next fill up you go to a different station) then again, he might call the cops and then you might not have to worry about  gassing the car up for a few months. This option would probably become monotonous after a few repeats,  a little variance may be required.

    Another solution would be the acquisition of an Oklahoma credit card.  Good for one free ride in a police car and  2 years free room and board if caught, this piece of hose can get you enough gallons of gas to take you  to where you need to go.  Inhalation of the fumes while using this credit card, or getting gas in your mouth can cause you to take the same trip, and this time you  won't need a car!  This method takes a bit of practice to become good enough to  use without a mouthful of gas or fumes.

    The next possible option would be the purchase of a horse or a mule.  With the purchase of one of these critters you can trash your drivers license as it will no longer be needed - or will it?  Maybe it would best to check with  the department of transportation.  Do not call the Department of Motor Vehicles, DMV since the vehicle you are transferring to has no motor.  I wonder if  driving a horse and buggy would  allow you to drop   your insurance, after all, it is AUTO insurance and you have evolved past that. There are some  pro's and con's to horse vs.  car though.  For instance:

• Horses have to eat and drink.  Cars have to have gas and oil.

• Horses have to have a barn or stable.  Cars need a garage

• Horses need a pasture and exercise.  Cars need a driveway and maintenance.

• Horses (rode) can carry 1 or 2 people.  Cars can carry 5 or 6. A wagon can be used  with a horse and will increase passenger load comparable with car.

• Horses need  a veterinarian's care on occasion. The bill may make you swear.  Cars can drive you to murder when you get the mechanic's bill.

• You must periodically check the hooves of horses.  With a car you just kick the tires and cuss if they are flat.

• Horses take forever to get across town.  Cars can get across town in a matter of 20 minutes or so, unless you get in a traffic jam.

    If you are not up to one of  the above methods of transportation do not meet your approval you can consider one of the following  means of transportation.

• Purchase bicycles for each member of the family. Not only would this be financially appealing, you would receive the side benefit of healthy exercise.  [note;  If you are as adverse to physical activity as I am in this case you would need a bicycle built for 2.  That way your other half can get the benefit of all that exercise.  Besides, steering the stupid bike is a lot of effort, You have to constantly be on the lookout for were you want to go, and you have to control the breaks! ]  Expenses would be limited to helmets, water bottles and inner tubes. If needed you may need to purchase training wheels and a cart to pull for groceries and other items you need to haul.

• Get a team of sled dogs and modify the sled  with wheels.   Drawback: dogs can eat a lot of food and bark and make messes.  You will also need houses for each or a kennel.

• Buy roller skates or a skate board.  If you have balancing problems or are just clumsy this would not be a option for you to consider.  Possibly outriggers could be added to the skate board and a strap on "training wheel" type of setup to the skater. It also may be possible to use  sled dogs for motivation

• Walk!  Think of all the exercise you would get!  Imagine all the heavy loads you would have to carry  just to walk to the store for a snack.!  Think of the hot achy feet, the shoes worn out before their time, the hours and hours of walking to get anywhere. Imagine all the interesting things you would see, the vicious dogs that would chase you, don't you wish that you had not given up on driving a car?

• This last suggestion may be the best one.  Make the kids walk to the store, giving them exact change for the groceries needed.  Use the Car only for important things like beer runs or  you and the other half going out to eat.