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The Party
A local preacher was paying a visit to one of his church members
on a Friday night, and heard a loud party as he approached the
house.
He knocked on the door and the owner answered. Behind him, he saw
a circle of naked men, with blindfolded women moving from man to
man, fondling each man's package, and guessing who it was.
The preacher, seeing this, said, "I'm sorry. I don't think I'd
fit in here right now."
"Nonsense," the man replied. "Your name's been called three
times
already!!!"
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Ghosts
A visiting professor at the University of Alabama is
giving
a seminar on the supernatural. To get a feel for his
audience, he asks: "How many people here believe in
ghosts?" About 90 students raise their hands.
"Well that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe
in ghosts, do any of you think you've ever seen a ghost?"
About 40 students raise their hands.
"That's really good. I'm really glad you take this
seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?" 15
students raise their hands.
"That's a great response. Has anyone here ever touched a
ghost?" 3 students raise their hands.
"That's fantastic. But let me ask you one question
further... Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?"
One student in the back raises his hand. The professor is
astonished. He takes off glasses, takes a step back, and
says, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no
one has ever claimed to have slept with a ghost. You've
got to come up here and tell us about your experience."
The redneck student (remember, this is Alabama) replies with
a nod and begins to make his way up to the podium.
The professor says, "Well, tell us what it's like to have
sex with a Ghost."
The student replies, "Ghost?!? I thought you said
'goats.'"
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The Blond
A blond calls her boyfriend and says: "Please come over here and help me. I have this killer jigsaw puzzle and I can't figure out how to get it started. Her boyfriend asks - "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde replies: "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger." The boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. The blonde lets him in and shows him to where she has the puzzle spread out all over the table..... He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box. He turns to her and says: "First of all, no matter what we do, we are not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger. "Secondly, I'd advise you to relax - you are very worked up. Let's have a cup of coffee, and then...
*
*
*
*
*
* ... we'll put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box". [ return to contents ]
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The
Parrot and the Plane
On reaching his plane seat, a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped
into the seat next to him.
The man asks the stewardess for a cup of coffee and the parrot squawks,
"And why don't you get me a whiskey, you bitch."
The stewardess, flustered by the parrot's outburst, brings back a whiskey
for the parrot but inadvertently forgets the man's cup of coffee.
As the man nicely points out the omission of his coffee to the stewardess,
the parrot downs his drink and shouts, "And get me another whiskey,
you
slut."
Visibly shaken, the stewardess comes back with he parrot's whiskey but
still no coffee for the man.
Unaccustomed to such slackness, the man decides that he is going to try
the parrot's approach: "I've asked you twice for a cup of coffee, you
bitch.
I expect you to get it for me right now or I'm going to slap that
disgustingly ugly face of yours!"
Next thing they know, both the man and the parrot are wrenched up and
thrown out of the emergency exit by 2 burly stewards.
Plunging downwards to the ground the parrot turns to the man and says,
"For someone who can't fly, you sure are a cocky bastard
."
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Hot Dogs
Two Scottish nuns had just arrived to the US by boat when one
said to the other, "I heard that the occupants of this country
actually eat dogs."
"Odd," her companion replied, "but if we shall live in America,
we might as well do as the Americans do."
Nodding emphatically, the mother superior pointed to a hot dog
vendor and they both walked towards it.
"Two dogs, please," said one.
The vendor was only too pleased to oblige and he wrapped both hot
dogs in foil. Excited, the nuns hurried over to a bench and began
to unwrap their 'dogs.'
The mother superior was first to open hers, then, stared at it for a
moment, leaned over to the other nun and whispered cautiously,
"What part did you get?"
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The Truth About Nutrition
Here is the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know
the
truth after all those conflicting medical studies.
The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than do
the British or Americans.
The French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the
British or Americans.
The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks
than the British or Americans.
The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer
heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and
suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
CONCLUSION
Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills
you.
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Observations .
Marriage is like taking a hot bath. After you've been in it for
a while...
it isn't so hot.
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and think,
'Well, that's not going to happen.'
If you're playing a poker game and you look around the table and can't tell
who the sucker is----> it's you.
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of
nothing.
I asked Mom if I was a gifted child... she said they certainly wouldn't have
paid for me.
Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about
seeing UFOs like they used to.
According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a
woman is their eyes. And women say the first thing they notice about men is
they're a bunch of liars.
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial
tax cut save you thirty cents?
In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird
and people take prozac to make it normal.
Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize
that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box
to start a barbecue?
Doctors can be frustrating. You wait a month-and-a-half for an appointment,
and he says, "I wish you'd come to me sooner."
You read about all these terrorists, most of them came here legally, but they
hang around on these expired visas, some for as long as
10-15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster; you are two days late with
a video and these people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of
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JOE
Joe, the Governor's most trusted assistant, died in his sleep one night. The Governor had depended on Joe for advice on every subject, from pending bills to wardrobe decisions. In addition, Joe had been his closest friend. So, it was understandable that the Governor didn't take kindly to the droves of ambitious office seekers who wanted Joe's job.
"They don't even have the decency to wait until the man is buried," the Governor muttered.
At the funeral, one eager beaver made his way to the Governor's side. "Governor," the man said, "Is there a chance that I could take Joe's place?"
"Certainly," the governor replied. "But you'd better hurry. I think the undertaker is almost finished."
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Teaching Sportsmanship
At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 7-year- old baseball players aside and asked,
"Do you understand what co-operation is? What a team is?" The little boy nodded in the affirmative.
"Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?" The little boy nodded yes.
"So," the coach continued, "I'm sure you know, when an out is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the
umpire, or call him a pecker-head. Do you understand all that?" Again the little boy nodded. He continued, "And
when I take you out of the game so another boy gets a chance to play, it's bad sportsmanship to call your coach
'a dumb asshole' isn't it?'' Again the little boy nodded. "Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain all
that to your mother." ....
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SCHOOL ANSWERING MACHINE
The following is an answering machine message for the Pacific
Palisades High School in California. The school and teachers
were being sued by parents who wanted their children's failing
grades changed to passing grades even though those children
were absent 15-30 times during the semester and did not
complete enough school work to pass their classes.
This was voted unanimously by the office staff as the actual
answering machine message for the school:
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your
school. In order to assist you in connecting the right staff member,
please listen to all your options before making a selection:
To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1
To make excuses for why your child did not do his work - Press 2
To complain about what we do - Press 3
To swear at staff members - Press 4
To ask why you didn't get information that was already enclosed in
your newsletter and several flyers mailed to you - Press 5
If you want us to raise your child - Press 6
If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone - Press 7
To request another teacher for the third time this year - Press 8
To complain about bus transportation - Press 9
To complain about school lunches - Press 0
If you realize this is the real world and your child must be
accountable/responsible for his/her own behavior, class work,
homework, and that it's not the teachers' fault for your child(ren)'s
lack of effort, hang up and have a nice day!"
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The Tractor
Farmer has three sons. One day, his oldest boy comes to him and pleads
with him that he is graduating from school and would really like to get
a car.
His father says, "Son, come with me." He takes him to the barn and
points to the farm tractor and says, "That tractor is needed here
on the farm and I promise that as soon as it's paid for, we'll get you a
car."
The boy was not too happy but he did understand that situation and said,
"Okay, Dad."
A week later, his second son (10 years old) approaches him wanting a new
two-wheel bicycle. Well, he gets the same excuse..............
"as soon as that tractor is paid for..........."
Shortly, a few days later, son no. 3, his youngest, comes bugging him
for a tricycle. Again, 'ol Dad gives him the lecture about the
tractor being paid for first.
While leaving the barn, the young boy, more than a little disgusted with
the whole thing, sees a rooster mating with one of the hens and
promptly goes over and kicks the rooster smooth off the hens back,
mumbling to himself the whole time.
His dad says, "Son, why on earth would you do something like that?
He didn't do anything to you to deserve that!"
The little boy looks Dad right square in the eye and says, "Hey, nobody
rides anything around here until that damn tractor is paid for
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EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY
Day number 180
8:00 Am - Oh Boy! Dog Food! My Favorite!
9:30 Am - Oh Boy! A Car Ride! My Favorite!
9:40 Am - Oh Boy! A Walk! My Favorite!
10:30 Am - Oh Boy! A Car Ride! My Favorite!
11:30 Am - Oh Boy! Dog Food! My Favorite!
12:00 Noon - Oh Boy! The Kids! My Favorite!
1:00 Pm Oh Boy! The Yard! My Favorite!
1:30 Pm Oh Bath! Bummer!
4:00 Pm - Oh Boy! The Kids! My Favorite!
5:00 Pm - Oh Boy! Dog Food! My Favorite!
5:30 Pm - Oh Boy! Mom! My Favorite!
Day Number 181
8:00 Am - Oh Boy! Dog Food! My Favorite!
9:30 Am - Oh Boy! A Car Ride! My Favorite!
9:40 Am - Oh Boy! A Walk! My Favorite!
10:30 Am - Oh Boy! A Car Ride! My Favorite!
11:30 Am - Oh Boy! Dog Food! My Favorite!
12:00 Noon - Oh Boy! The Kids! My Favorite!
1:00 Pm Oh Boy! The Yard! My Favorite!
4:00 Pm - Oh Boy! The Kids! My Favorite!
5:00 Pm - Oh Boy! Dog Food! My Favorite!
5:30 Pm - Oh Boy! Mom! My Favorite!
Excerpts From A Cat's Diary
DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling
objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry
cereal and some slop from a tin. The only thing that keeps me going is
the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the
occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may vandalize another table
leg.
DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet
while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the
stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I
once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair... must try
this on their bed.
DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in
attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike
fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a
good little cat I was... Hmmm, Not working according to plan.
DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason
I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a
burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such
a liquid? My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between
my teeth.
DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was
placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise
and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer.." More
importantly, I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of
"allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captive are flunkies and maybe
snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to
return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got
to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he
reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his
safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...
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IF THE SHOE FITS...
One evening after work, a man drove his secretary home after she had a little too much to drink at a party. Although nothing happened, he decided not to mention it to his wife. Later that night, the man and his wife were driving to a movie when he spotted a high-heeled shoe hidden under the passenger seat. Pointing to something out the passenger window to distract his wife, he picked up the shoe and tossed it out of his window. They arrived at the theater a short time later and were about to get out of the car when his wife asked, "Honey, have you seen my other shoe?"
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Jesse Jackson
Jesse Jackson got out of the shower and was drying off when he looked in the
mirror and noticed he was white from the neck up to the top of his head.
In sheer panic and fearing he really was turning white and might have
to start working for a living, he called his doctor and told him of his
problem.
The doctor advised him to come to his office immediately.
After an examination, the doctor mixed a concoction of brown liquid,
gave it to Jesse and told him to drink it all.
Jesse did and replied, "that tasted like bull shit!"
The doctor replied, "It was, Jesse. You were a quart low."
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You are 100% Okie if...
You have owned at least one belt buckle bigger than your fist.
It doesn't bother you to use an airport named for a man who died in an airplane crash.
You use the phrase "fixin' to" almost daily.
Someone you know has used a football schedule to plan their wedding date.
You've ever been excused from school because "the cows got out."
You can properly pronounce the towns Washita and Tahlequah.
You can remember the name of the last state legislator to introduce a bill involving castration and he didn't mean farm animals.
You know exactly what calf fries are, and eat them anyway.
You can recall hot summers by the year they happened easier than you can remember your mother's birthday.
You think that people who complain about the wind in their states are sissies.
You know that the true value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door but by the availability of shade.
A bad traffic jam involves two cars staring each other down at a four-way stop, each determined to be the most polite and let the other one go first.
When you hear a tornado siren, you go out and look for a funnel.
Your "place at the lake" has wheels under it.
A Mercedes Benz is not a status symbol. A Ford F350 4x4 is.
The Tabasco Cookbook
You know that everything goes better with Ranch or Tabasco.
You learned how to shoot a gun before you learned how to multiply.
You are 100% Okie if you have ever had this conversation:
"You wanna Coke?"
"Yeah."
"What kind?"
"Dr. Pepper."
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Some Things You Just Can't Explain
A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar getting soused. A man comes in and
asks the farmer, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?"
Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.
Man: So what happened that's so horrible?
Farmer: Well, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I got the bucket about full,
she took her left leg and kicked over the bucket.
Man: Ok, but that's not so bad.
Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.
Man: So what happened then?
Farmer: I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left.
Man: and then?
Farmer: Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket about full,
she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket.
Man: Again?
Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.
Man: So, what did you do then?
Farmer: I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right.
Man: and then?
Farmer: Well, I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as got the bucket about full,
the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail.
Man: Hmmm...
Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.
Man: So, what did you do?
Farmer: Well, I didn't have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the
rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in.....
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Nymphomaniac And Shrink
The woman seated herself in the psychiatrist's office. "What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked. "Well, I, uh," she stammered. "I think I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac." "I see," he said. "I can help you, but I must advise you that my fee is $80 an hour." "That's not bad," she replied. "How much for all night?"
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"SURVIVOR, OKLAHOMA STYLE"
CBS is developing an Oklahoma version of "Survivor," the popular reality television show. Contestants must travel from Tulsa through Ponca City, Enid, Woodward, Elk City, and back to Tulsa through Lawton, Oklahoma City, Ardmore, McAlester and Muskogee, driving a Volvo with a sign on both doors that reads:
I'm a gay vegetarian Democrat and I'm here to take your guns.
The first to complete the round trip alive is the winner. Applications can be picked up at the Department of Transportation in Oklahoma City.
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| HOW TO TELL THE SEX OF A FLY
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a
fly swatter.
"What are you doing?" She asked.
"Hunting Flies" He responded.
"Oh. Killing any?" She asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?"
He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."
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Welcome To Texas
Like it or not, the new White House will be in Crawford, Texas and soon will be drawing a number of people to the state, including many who are not used to Texas ways. They might find the following advice useful.
Welcome To Texas---Like It Or Leave It
DO NOT DARE to tell us how to cook barbecue. This will get your ass shot (right after it is kicked). Criticize the barbecue and you may go home in a pine box-minus your ass.
Don't expect to find filet mignon or pasta primavera at the local restaurant. It's a cafe. They serve hamburgers and chicken fried steak. Let them cook something they know. If you confuse them, they'll kick your ass.
Don't laugh at the names (Merleen, Bodie, Bubba, Bobby Ray, Curley, Tammy Lynn, Billy Joe, Sissy, Clovis, etc.). Or we will HAVE to kick your ass.
We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you (read some J. Frank Dobie). We are also better educated and generally a lot nicer than you. Don't refer to us as a bunch of cowboy hicks, or we'll kick your ass.
We have plenty of business sense (e.g., Howard Hughes, H. Ross Perot, Southwest Airlines, Dell computers). Naturally, sometimes we have small lapses in judgment (e.g., LBJ). However, we are not dumb enough to let someone move to our state just so they can run for the US Senate. If anyone tried to do that they would get a serious ass kickin'.
Don't laugh at our Civil War monuments. If Lee had listened to Gen. Hood you'd be paying taxes to Richmond instead of Washington. If you visit the Alamo, take your hat off and be properly humble, or we'll kick your ass.
We are fully aware of how hot it gets and how high the humidity is, so shut up about it. If you can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen, or we'll kick your ass.
Do not attempt to eat tamales without first removing their corn husk casing. Everyone will instantly know that you're a Yankee. DO NOT, under any circumstances, complain that the chili is TOO hot or contains no kidney beans, this will get your ass kicked into next week.
Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we know they are not. Many of us have visited Northern hell-holes like Detroit, Chicago, and DC, and we have the scars to prove it. If you don't like it here, Delta is ready when you are. Move your ass on home - before we kick it.
Yes, we know how to speak proper English. We talk this way because we don't want to sound like you. We don't care if you don't understand what we are saying. All other Texans understand what we are saying and that's all that matters. Now, go away, or we'll kick your ass.
Don't complain that certain areas of this state "smell" of oil. If your livelihood depended on those wells you'd soon learn to love the aroma. Besides, none of OUR lakes or rivers have caught fire recently. If you whine about OUR scenic beauty, we'll kick your ass all the way back to Pittsburgh, PA.
Don't ridicule our Texas manners We say sir and ma'am. We hold doors open for others. We offer our seats to old folks. Such things are expected of civilized people. Behave yourselves around our sweet little gray-haired grandmothers, or they'll kick your ass-just like they did ours.
Don't think we're quaint or losers because most of us live in small towns. We do this because we have enough sense to not live in crime infested cesspools like Baltimore. Make fun of our small towns and we'll kick your ass.
Remember, the only reason you are lucky enough to be here in the first place is because we have not pulled the Border Patrol off the Rio Grande and put them on the Red River (where they really belong) to keep your ass out.
Enjoy your visit.
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| PERSONALITY TEST
To determine your personality check the gift you'd most like to get:
1. Candy
2. Flowers
3. A sweet poem
4. Sex
5. Dinner/Dancing
6. Waffle iron
f you answered...
1. CANDY
It means that... You are a sweet person who enjoys traditional gifts
and hopefully likes to share... OR you're a selfish chocoholic who values a
sugar high over everything even true love.
2. FLOWERS
It means that... You love the beauty of nature, the scent of flowers
and appreciate this timeless romantic gesture... OR you get some twisted joy
out of watching vegetation wither and die.
3. A SWEET POEM
It means that... You're a hopeless romantic, a cultured person who
recognizes the power and beauty of the written word... OR you're used to
cheap gifts and like to pass yourself off as a cultured person who
recognizes the power and beauty of the written word.
4. SEX
It means that...You are a passionate soul, a free spirit who is not
afraid to express your sexuality with another consenting adult and feel that
the physical side of love can be meaningful and beautiful... OR you're a
filthy degenerate who is no better than a rutting animal living solely for
one carnal experience after another.
5. DINNER/DANCING
It means that... You enjoy the company of that special someone and the
romantic setting of fine cuisine and candlelight... OR you're easy to please
and probably willing to sell your body for food and a few quick turns around
the dance floor.
6. WAFFLE IRON
It means that... You're a practical person who believes in gifts that
you can actually use... OR you have absolutely no idea of what gift-giving
is all about and probably have some sort of deviant sexual fetish involving
kitchen appliances.
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Kickin Ass
If you couldn't tell Texans have always been famous for their attempts at ass kickins.
Once, there were twelve Texans fishing the Red River.
When a lone Okie on the other side started flippin' them off then mooned them and in various ways started disparaging their heritage.
The Texans, of course, decided that they would just HAVE to kick his ass.
One semi-honorable Texan, considering the odds, decided that maybe only half of them were needed to open a can of Whoop Ass and should cross the Red.
As six of them crossed to the Oklahoma side, the Okie ran in behind a pile of brush.
The Texans, as everyone knew they would, chased after.
The remaining Texans proceeded to sit down and await the outcome.
After several minutes of wranglin' on the other side, the dust cloud settled, the fracas was over and there was SILENCE.
They waited quite awhile for their buddies to come back and give the details of the ass kickin' before they decided to cross the Red themselves to see what was going on.
About half way across the Red, one of the Texans came runnin' from behind the brush pile, back across the Red. .
.Hollrin'. . .
STOP! STOP! GO BACK! IT'S A TRAP.! THERE'S TWO OF ----
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WW III
President Bush and Defense Secretary Rumsfeld are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and
asks the bartender, "Isn't that President Bush and Secretary Rumsfeld sitting over there?"
The bartender says, "Yep, that's them."
So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?"
Bush says, "We're planning WW III."
And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"
Bush says, " Well, we're going to kill 140 million Iraqis and one bicycle repairman."
The guy exclaims, "A bicycle repairman? Why kill a bicycle repairman?"
With that Rumsfeld reaches into his wallet, takes out a crisp $20 bill and hands it to Bush.
With his trademark smile, Bush casually puts the money in his pocket, looks at Rumsfeld and
says, "I told ya no one would give a damn about the 140 million Iraqis."
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Computer Gender
A language instructor was explaining to her class that in French, nouns
unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as
masculine or feminine. "House," in French, is feminine-"la maison."
Pencil," in French, is masculine-"le crayon."
One puzzled student asked, "What gender is a computer?" The teacher did
not know, and the word wasn't in her French dictionary. So for fun she
split the class into two groups appropriately enough, by gender and
asked them to decide whether "computer" should be a masculine or
feminine noun. Both groups were required to give four reasons for their
recommendation.
The men's group decided that computers should definitely be of the
feminine gender ("la computer"), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is
incomprehensible to everyone else
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for
possible later retrieval
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending
half your pay check on accessories for it.
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine
("le computer"), because:
1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but they are still clueless
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they
ARE the problem
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you'd waited a
little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
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